We all have our favorite coffee and we all have different reasons for why. However, what does the coffee you drink, say about you to others? Lets take an in-depth, tongue in cheek look at each coffee type and the person behind those choices. Which one are you?
1) Espresso –
Espresso drinkers understand coffee and appreciate it. These people are harder than coconuts. They are men’s men, or lesbians. They are tough, a little rough around the edges and generally wear socks to bed. They think that cologne should smell like wood or smoke and fire and are generally good at violent things like war. They very rarely get hurt and never bleed. They shave without shaving foam, even the girls. Their hobbies and interests are generally chest hair.
2) Latte –
Latte drinkers like to think of themselves as a pretty sophisticated lot, but in actual fact it’s obvious they don’t know the slightest thing about good coffee.They generally holiday in places that have hard to pronounce names that sound rich but always fly economy. Latte drinkers are generally softer people that keep a keen eye on fashion trends and the latest gadgets and gismos, without really being able to understand them either. They cry during romance movies and they generally give money to online mail scams.
3) Espresso Macchiato –
These people appreciate good coffee yet don’t want to stain their teeth. They love mirrors and attention and generally fancy themselves. They like football and ultimate fighting yet they are scared of spiders and clowns. They have a fantasy team for something or rather on the internet and like to travel to exotic but cheap locations. These people are generally well dressed, insomniacs, psychologists or serial killers. Some are all. They are never late to anything and never left handed.
4) Cappuccino –
These people put chocolate on their coffee – enough said. Cappuccino drinkers don’t like the taste of coffee so they drown the taste of it in milk. They then don’t like the taste of coffee stained milk so they try and cover it up with chocolate. They like to gossip and almost always talk about you behind your back. They are generally quieter in social situations and prefer to observe, so they can gossip later. They prefer perverted sexual styles and consequently have strange children.
5) Tea Drinkers –
Clearly know nothing about coffee. Tea drinkers generally breast feed until they are in primary school, have training wheels on their bicycles until they are at least 18 and they put these disorders down to culture. They enjoy eating scones with Jam and Cream, like all things related to the queen of England and almost always pass wind silently. Tea drinkers enjoy garage sales and raffles and often call in sick to work when it’s raining, mainly to stay at home and drink tea.
6) Instant Coffee Drinkers –
I refuse to allow “instant” coffee to be referred to as coffee. These people are generally tight with money, smoke cigarettes and almost always become school teachers. They enjoy fake fur, fake jewelry, internet dating sites and generally need a lie down if they taste real coffee. Instant coffee drinkers drive petrol electric cars or aspire to and are often known to be the person in the office who wears the same clothes for two straight days.
7) Flavoured Coffee Drinkers –
These people also do not like coffee. Flavoured coffee drinkers have a rare genetic taste bud disorder that draws them to sugar and syrup. They like small dogs, collect shopper dockets, recycle Christmas presents and buy toilet paper in bulk. When getting dressed these people think that anything colourful matches. They are thrifty but gullible and save chewing gum for re-chewing after their meals. They don’t holiday and generally collect things that scare small children. These people always become the elderly person in your street who lives to peer through the curtain and spy on the neighbours.
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